Tuesday, December 6, 2011

A New Season

As I write this tonight, I am filled with tears, but not tears of sadness but of joy. God has brought me on a journey this year....a journey to seeing Him work in me and redefining what it is to serve God and my definition of ministry. Some of you have known the transitions I have been through in the last year and the frustrations I have had seeking more ministry.....and in all my focus and wanting to do more.....God has been trying to show and change what that means.

 I may not be able to appear that I am doing alot of things here in Costa Rica, I may not be able to see the fruits in what Jesus does through me sometimes, but what God is showing me is that it only takes a moment to plant a seed sometimes and most of the time we have no idea when that is taking place.

Tonight, I read a email that put this last year into perspective for me. In my mind, I have almost felt that this last year was a waste, that I couldn't do as much as I wanted and hoped to do. I have questioned God's purpose for me in Costa Rica this year. But through these struggles, I see God refining me in the fire and showing me what He values most from me serving here in Costa Rica. What He values is that I simply reach out and simply show Christ to those He sends into my path, weather if its simply one conversation over coffee or every week for many years. God works with whatever timeline we have with each person.

My other questions that I have had this year are "Do I Shine? Do I point others to intimacy with Christ? Many times, I have felt that I haven't, but then God takes the simplest things and shows me that He chooses to shine through me in the moments I least expect. This last year, I had to kick out a girl living with me, that I poured into for almost two years......and in the end, I wasn't able to see any fruit from it. This was incredibly discouraging but in contrast, tonight I recieved an email from a young man I had only one conversation with and he wrote me to tell me that he met Christ through me and that he had been baptized.

God so does not work in the ways we think! In my concept of missions, I expect to need to plant seeds over a long period of time to see fruits but I have learned that it doesn't always work this way and I have no way of knowing what God is doing in each person's life. All I know is that nothing is in vain, and that what I see and understand is not necessarily the way it is. God's ways are above mine.

A couple weeks ago was me and Anita's last day working at the soup kitchen in Guizaros with the kids. God just started closing doors there and opening doors in other places (more news later). They had a beautiful goodbye party for us there. After 2.5 years of working with these kids, I always wondered if I planted any seeds there in all that time. At the goodbye party, I was able to see the fruits of all those Saturdays. Some kids cried, and others shared with us how we had encouraged them. It was a priceless moment. It made me want to change my mind and stay......but at the same time I just was filled with peace knowing that this chapter for me was closing and that God was opening a new chapter in my life and ministry.

Saying Goodbye at Guizaros :(
 Most of you know that we were looking for a place to rent and start a ministry there at the soup kitchen but after searching for months and months for a place to rent, we were finally told that it is nearly impossible to find rentals there. This was so frustrating but I continued praying and I prayed that God would show me if we were to wait or to explore other opportunities. I felt God's nudge to explore other areas to do discipleship.

Me with a little boy named Justin at the ministry in Heredia.
 Shortly after, God opened a door to see a ministry in Heredia, about a 30 minute drive from where I live now. Well, we visited and were just blown away by how open they are to discipleship and how they have been praying for people to come and work with the children and youth in the slum there. When I visited, I instantly felt at home.......this has never happened to me! I didn't feel shy at all and just felt such a peace. We continued to pray and felt God's confirmation to move forward. So now......we are looking for a house and will be moving on January 1st!

God is bringing us into a new year, a year to use all He has taught us this year. Now that God has shown me that its not the quantity of ministry I do but that I just simply reach for Him.....He has now chosen to fill my schedule with ministry! I hope to never forget what I have learned and that I will never think that the way God uses me, fits only into the human idea of how it should be and what it means to be a missionary. Lord, I give you my life, I give you my time, and I give you my ministry. This is all for the glory and honor of your name.

In a future blog post I will describe my ministry in more detail.....until then....please pray for a smooth move and transition into a new ministry. If you remember, please keep me and Anita in prayer this next week. Tomorrow, I will be teaching the kids the Christmas story and doing a craft. On Friday we will be leading a workshop for teen girls talking about puberty, sexuality, and self worth. We will be getting to know them and be praying with them and answering questions and explaining these things from a Biblical context. Pray that God opens doors for us to know these youth and to reach out to them.

I also just wanted to say thank you to all of you out there that have planted seeds in my life. I want to thank all of you who have supported me out here and have prayed for me. I have felt deeply encouraged by you and have felt blessed to be surrounded by amazing men and women of God. For those of you in Canada and the States, I miss you and love you and just want to wish you a wonderful Christmas. God Bless.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

A Testimony of God's Provision

Today I find the need to share with you the amazing things that God has spoken to me and done for me this week. As you know from my last blog post, I have been discouraged this last month just questioning God on things and freaking out over "just another" small financial issue. Aside from God speaking to me through the Israelites, He also led me to read about Elijah. As I was reading elsewhere in the Bible, I simply could not read more because God kept saying....ELIJAH! So I finally went and read that and God spoke to me, and was reminding me of His provision in the weirdest of ways. Ironically, both sermons I heard this week at church were on the Israelites (on last Thursday) and Elijah (Sunday) both after God leading me to those very passages in my private times. It's funny how God seems to do that when he is wanting to speak loud and clear. Both those Bible stories are full of God's miraculous provisions and not only in the natural but the supernatural and with ordinary people serving God who had moments of doubt. Anyways, I found out a few days ago that I had recieved a cheque from the government that will cover the payment I need to make.So this is just another testimony of God's faithfulness. You all know how rare it is to recieve a cheque from the government.....and when those things come.....it's always only just when I really really need it. I remember back in June or July having a similar situation. I called the bank to see what I could do and happened to find out I had 900 dollars credit on a credit card I had cancelled years ago! I don't believe these things are coincidence and I believe it is God that moves these timings and things on our behalf. Praise God for His Provision and Grace!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Just like the Israelites.........Humbled

As I think about some of my favorite Bible stories, I am challenged to see myself. I think of all the times I have talked about the book of Exodus and the journey of the Israelites to the promised land and thought........how could they not trust God after all he did for them, how could they question God and chase after other things when the miracles of God were shown right in front of their faces? Why did they doubt.....HOW could they doubt?

 This week I just feel soooo humbled as I realize how, like the Israelites, despite God's miracles and moving in my own life.... I seem to go through these times of fear, doubt and questioning God. God WHEN is your timing, WHAT is your plan, WHY do I need to wait? Typical to these moments, guilt soon moves in when I comtemplate who I am and who God is. Is he not the God that has miraculously sustained me in Costa Rica the last 2.5 years? Is he not the God that opened my eyes to prophecy and healing this year including witnessing my first healing on my 26th Birthday? How many times has he protected me here? How many times he has used little simple me to reach out when I felt vulnerable and weak with nothing to offer?

After thinking through these things I sit in awe.....who am I to question Him? Am I not the clay here like my blog says? Or will I be a hypocrite and say that that is what I am but still somehow question? As if to say to God, do you REALLY have me Lord? How condescending! God has been with me through every process, I never want to forget how he led me to this beautiful country and how he was with me as I stepped off that plane having no clue what was to come.By God's mercy alone he still constantly speaks and fills me with his presence and blesses me even when I act like a little brat to him. He has truly brought me on the adventure of my life. He has filled me with unexpressable joy at times, there have been times I have been so touched that I have been brought to tears in His presence. He has brought me to amazing places and I have met amazing people. I have cried in complete brokeness and I have laughed so hard my stomach hurts. All these things have been a gift to me and He chose to share this with me.

Honestly, this last month has been tough for me and I have been tested alot with the question.....how much do you REALLY trust God? This month has put a couple financial difficulties in my path.....and even though I have been here many many times in the last years and God always works it out, I somehow have my freak out moment.......Lord what am I going to do?! How can I make money to take away each month's unknown income. I hate waiting till the 26th of each month to find out if I can pay the rent. I want stability, I want assurance......and all in my flesh! It's then that I realize that in my flesh I want to take away all the things that force me to lean on him. I forget that leaning on him has taught me so much, has made me grow and has increased my faith. When I remember his faithfulness and my stability and assurance in him....I stop in my tracks and realize I am in the best position ever.

That hasn't been the only thing I have felt frustrated in.....then there's the monotonous days of coloring and coloring and coloring visuals to teach the Bible.....where I'm questioning.....Lord where is our house to serve in ministry? Will this be affective? There are days like today in which I feel I will go crazy if I color another sheet and I wonder if He will really bring his promises into fruition or if my work is in vain. I feel like my heart is out there and I'm afraid of failing. This has been the hardest for me....as each month that goes by and still not finding a house, it gets harder. Please keep this in prayer.

Why do I share these things? Because I believe we all share in these struggles. I could write to you about the lovely side of being a missionary and share moving stories of God working in ministry and moving in people's lives....but I would be missing a crucial part of reality that sometimes.........It is HARD. Sometimes I question my work and sometimes I wonder like anyone if I heard God right. I think that we all feel that way. We are all on this faith journey and we are all Israelites. We are NOT above that. God moves amazing things all the time that we either fail to see or simply forget. I pray to God.....OPEN my eyes to YOUR work and to YOUR heart. I pray and ask God.....Forgive me for the times when I doubt and forget your faithfulness. Forgive me for being impatient and ungrateful. Indeed He has made my life full. Pray for me as I continue to serve Him and that I would be patient for his timeline with me and Anita's ministry endeavours and that I would be content in this process of praying, planning, coloring and waiting. I am human too and need prayer for all these things. Thanks for your prayers and I pray for all those out there who maybe feel the same. Our God is faithful.....let's try not to be like the Israelites!

Monday, September 19, 2011

God's Voice Within the Mundane.........

Well, I know it has been awhile since I have written but for some reason I have been having some major writer's block. Sometimes I find that life is just simply life and that I have nothing specifec to share or say. I will say that I have felt just so blessed by God as Me and Anita are forming a program for children. Day to day, my life consists of cooking, cleaning, preparing lessons, visiting with friends, playing with my dog, reading my bible,going to the soup kitchen, texting troubled youth, playing with neighbor kids, going to church, teaching sunday school......or whatever else God brings into my path. Through all these "normal" things I see God very much at work and I find that it is in these simple things and in the natural flow of life that I see God at work and him telling me how he wants me to spend my time.

Baking Cheese Biscuits! I love to Bake!
Sometimes I forget to thank God for the normal......and then I remember a not so normal last year when my life was crazy and full of way too much drama. In that time I longed for silence, I longed for the normal. I longed for rest and no surprises.

 So as I sit here in the mundane at times, I am reminded to savour every moment. I know that when we move, we will be up against alot. Perhaps God is resting me up to prepare me for some not so restful moments ahead. When that time comes, I will be ready for whatever comes our way!

So for now, when we are working on this program for these kids that we love so much, I think of them. With every visual we are creating......I'm not just making a visual.....I am making a visual for those kids to teach them about Jesus, and to bring hope to a community that needs it. We have the time to make the best we can and those kids are worth the hours of planning and creating!

The Book of Exodus Complete in Visuals.....Alot of work!

Until we are there, I continue to pray for these little ones and pray to God that I will never forget the power of prayer. I thank God for my precious times with him whether its alone in my room or singing my heart out to him in church. This is all for him and I pray that I will have the grace and love to seize every moment no matter how normal it is. May my every breath be for Him and Him alone. I pray that God will continue to show me daily, the ways I can serve him more, and the ways I can bless others, whether it be an encouraging word to the corner store clerk,the person next to me on the bus, watching a stressed out mom's kids, hosting people in my home. whatever it may be, my challenge is to strive to serve in the normal and not just in the times of crisis or dramatic need. How can I simply be a blessing? This is what has been on my heart. There is no need to seek out extravagant ways......just to lend a hand to my neighbor in love.....this is what God's heart is and God's desire for all of us.

Friday, July 29, 2011

An Answer to Prayer!!!!

I just wanted to quickly post on my blog about the meeting I had with my pastor here this week! As me and Anita venture out into new grounds, and are in the process to relocating to the community where the soup kitchen is located, I have been praying so much that my church would want to be a part of it. I have always seen having a local church covering as not only important but crucial for general support but also for sustainability. Well, I was able to finally sit down and share my heart and share my vision and.....they agreed to be the backing of the ministry!!!

They will be involved in helping us find a house and also sending people from the church who would like to reach out in discipleship as well!. I can't tell you how amazing it is to feel supported not only from my organization in this but also from my church here. My pastor even started giving ideas of things that the church could do that I had dreamed about! I am truly blessed.

BUT.....it doesn't stop there!!!!!!! I also was able to share my desire to apply for a religious visa. In order to get this visa, I need to be sponsored by a local church.....well.....they agreed to help me in this process!!! What does this mean? It means that all the money I spend every year on renewing my visa every three months could go towards my ministry......it means that I wouldn't need to pay nearly 2500 dollars a year on health insurance as I can apply for a health card here! So you can see how this would be a great help for me!! Please keep this process in prayer as it can be tedious and there is never guaranteed approval...so please pray that God would continue to open doors in this! All I know is that things are going in the right direction. God is SO good!

Monday, July 25, 2011

What we are up Against

Hey Everyone! The last few weeks have been quite a journey and I can hardly believe its already time to move to Anita's apartment and then head to Canada for a 3 week visit! When I return from Canada the end of August, we will be looking for a place close to the soup kitchen. It's coming up so fast and the work here continues. Not only in creating visuals and program stuff but the work of ever seeking after the Lord and praying against the strongholds of the community, against the frequent spiritual attacks, and trusting in Him and his guidance in this leap of faith.

Through all the trials, one thing is sure, we are held in the hands of the almighty king. This last Saturday, God opened our eyes even more to see the struggles of this community. Saturday morning started off great and as usual with singing and asking the kids what they are gratefulfor. This week my lesson to the little ones was on the fruits of the spirit. I was so blessed to see them more relaxed and more attentive than usual. They were quite successful on remembering the fruits of the spirit!! I pray that these precious little ones can see the fruits in me. I long to shine God's love there to them and I can't wait for when I will be right there with them and can be available to them. I am so grateful to God that He helps me teach week by week.
Teaching the Kiddies about the fruits of the spirit!

After the lesson, Anita noticed a lady crying in the streets, she thought at first that it was someone we know so she went to go talk to her. It ended up being someone else. She had just gotten in a fight with her husband and he was kicking her out of the house. In the series of a couple hours......she had stored her stuff at the soup kitchen, left with her kids and came back, left the kids with us....made up with her husband and took her stuff back to where she was. Cecilia told us how often this happens with them....that they often have violent fights but then make up....she was worried having the stuff in the soup kitchen.....it can be dangerous getting involved in such a situation. But God was there and it shed light to us on the parents of some of our kids at the soup kitchen and the violence they are often exposed to.

After that, we taught our youth group on prayer and then we headed up to see an older lady with a ministry in the mountains. I definitely was not prepared to what I would feel up there. We got there and I just did not feel at peace at all. I tried to shake it off but as it went on, I just could hardly stand to be there. Something was just off. I could feel major spiritual things up there that I rarely ever feel. What I felt was evil. As she began to pray over one of my friends, I was just freaking out....something was off....way off....but I was questioning myself why I felt such darkness. All I know is that there was an undeniable oppression up there. I could hardly breathe. This also shed alot of light on the area where we are serving.

Me and Daniel, one of that Lady's sons.

Yesterday, we found out that one of our kids was kicked out of school for selling drugs :( This was just another sad reality on top of the other events. He just seemed so sad and the kids were picking on him for that. It did give me some joy that he didn't seem happy to have that pinned on him. The truth is that these  kids don't want to be identified in that way. These kids really do want to be good in some way.

Last week, a teen from the community was texting me and he asked me. Do you think I am good or bad? I told him I didn't know. He told me that he used to sell drugs and rob people but that he was changing. He was struggling because the community was still seeing him as bad. I encouraged him to continue doing good and it meant alot that he was seeking encouragement and expressing a desire to be different. Please join me and Anita in prayer. Things have been intense but we still have very much felt God's presence with us and preparing us for our next steps. Please keep praying for this community, our kids, and God's provision for a house to rent in the area that we can also minister out of, and pray for us as we pray for the provision to move. We will be needing furniture and some household items. We lay all these things in His hands. Please pray!

Thursday, June 23, 2011

A Witness of God's Work

Me and my parents, Anita, and Steph visiting a friend.
As usual another month has almost finished up with hardly a blink. My parents came to visit in May and I had the privelage to get some R&R with them going to the beach and the volcano and just admiring the beauty of Costa Rica. It was also so neat to just be able to show my parents my work here, my dream, and my heart. It's one thing explaining your passion to people but for them to come and be here and have it explained while standing in the soup kitchen is so different. It was nice to give them a glimpse into my life.
The day after they left, I went to go help as a translator for a medical team. We travelled around to some more remote places in Costa Rica for a week. It is such a blessing for me to translate once in a while for people coming from all different places. It's amazing the people God brings into my path and I see His hand in everything.
Evangelists Eric and Esmirna
Esteban, the boy I witnessed being healed.
While we were in a small town, me and Anita had the privelage to meet a couple from Panama who are evangelists with the gift of healing. I had never met a person with the gift of healing before so I wasn't sure what to think at first, but through talking with him and his wife, talking about their testimonies, I knew that they were truthful. I could very much sense the Holy Spirit in them and enjoyed a few conversations with them. It just so happened that on my 26th birthday, I was there in that small town, and after working with the medical team all day, this evangelist preached in this small modest country church. The most amazing thing is that it is on this day, that I witnessed my very first miracle. I witnessed a boy with one leg longer than the other grow to be the same length slowly as he was being prayed over. It was amazing and undeniable! I know that my God is indeed a powerful God but had never been able to say that I had witnessed a miracle.....now I can!!! It was a wonderful birthday gift!

After getting back to San Jose, me and Anita had another chance to meet with them and we were just so encouraged by them. We connected so much with them, that they really want us to go to Panama and visit them and their church. We are planning to visit them when I need to renew my Visa in 6 months. I think that this is very much an open door and a God thing.

Our first handmade visual!!! The story of Jonah!!
Since that trip, me and Anita have started working on a children's program and preparing to move to the community where we work. We are working on different info to create a website in the future. We are making alot of visuals to help us to teach kids bible stories etc. Being low on funds, we are creating our own and are realizing how much can be done with so little, and just how much fun it can be! So right now, we are spending a lot of time preparing to do more ministry in Los Guizaros. We have been in a few meetings with Cecilia, the lady who started the soup kitchen, sharing our heart and vision. Things have proven to be a bit tough in this area as we would like to start a ministry apart from the soup kitchen that works hand in hand. We are praying that Cecilia's heart will truly be open to the idea of having two separate ministries working together to better the community and bring people to Christ. Please pray for this, we know that God is calling us to this, but we want to do this with understanding and harmony with the soup kitchen. We know that God is in charge and we continue seeking him in this process and seeing the doors that He opens. Please pray against any division that could come out of this.
Me and Anita teaching the youth at Guizaros
The kids at Guizaros praying for me.

So as you can see, God has been doing some pretty amazing things here in the last months. I find many times that so much has happened that I can't fit it all in one blog. I cannot even begin to express the ways God has been working in me and also in Anita. God has been really been confirming and reconfirming things with us and we continually feel his nudge simply saying that its time to step out in faith. Pray for us in this process and pray for the help we need to get this going. Thank you for all your prayers and support, I feel very blessed. 

Monday, May 9, 2011

Rising up and Going Higher

The last two months have gone by so fast and its time to update you all on what God is doing in me, where he is leading me, and what he is leading me to do. It is time to rise above the dissapointment or discouragement I have felt and its simply time to step out. I will not let the trials/hurts I have faced, rob me from the vision and passion that God gave me years ago. Its time to step out in faith recognizing that my God not only guides me but it is he who sustains me. Nothing is impossible for my God.

The Community of Los Guizaros
Many of you know I have been going through a bit of transition in ministry here on this side. I have been in search for quite some time now for a ministry that has a heart for the less fortunate communities of San Jose and a heart for a ministry of Discipleship. A heart for Incarnational ministry. I have been praying about this for quite some time and through praying both me and Anita have felt the confirmation that it is time to be leaders and move forward with the dreams and visions that God has placed in both of our hearts. I think that we have both been afraid to step out and were hoping to partner with an existing ministry. It dawned on us that it is time for us to take leadership in this and pray for others to come alongside us. This is where you all come into the picture. We need your prayers as we look into our options and move forward.

What is our vision?  Our vision is to live where we have been working at the soup kitchen in Los Guizaros and continue to work with the soup kitchen but also start a ministry that focuses on the discipleship of women, girls, and children. The discipleship would stem from relational ministry within the community and focus on the teaching of the word and encouragement. It would be a ministry of prayer, a place where the hungry can come and seek God. Our dream is to bring change to this community, to break the chains and strongholds that keep the people of this community lost.

Through working at the soup kitchen the last two years, we have seen the youth starting to stray starting around age ten in the soup kitchen. The pressures to do the wrong things are so strong in this community. We have often thought....What if there was a place that they could go and interact in a healthy way. What if we weren't there only on Saturdays, but there during the week to encourage and reach out to the people? What if this ministry could eventually grow to the point where we could have teams come and maybe even offer classes on childhood developement, or basic classes for gaining work skills like a sewing class, like financial planning, like learning the basic skills for work. What if even local bakeries etc, would train responsable youth work skills etc. We know this is a big dream but if this will happen it will be through God alone. Our desire is to do something sustainable in the community, where what we do could have a chain effect. We believe that the only sustainable ministry really starts with discipleship. God says that his word never comes back empty. (Isaiah 55:11)  If the people of this community come to know Christ in a real way, we believe this could spark a real change in the community. Where leaders of change could be formed to continue the ministry to those around them.

Anita, little Michelle, and I
Please pray for me and Anita as we continue seeking after God. We don't have all the answers, there are still alot of question marks but we feel God pulling us to rise up, and go higher, trusting that God will fill in the blanks and carry us. It is not through our own abilities that this dream comes, it is through faith in an infinite God that compels us. We trust that he could use us to bring people to experience intimacy with Christ which is the only thing that can transform and bring lasting life and change.

Ending on this note, I would like to share with you a vision that God gave me before I came to Costa Rica. It is something I have been brought back to as I have been facing my fears and as my faith has been continually tested. I hope it encourages all of you to dream big for Christ and to rise up and go higher with Him.

Climbing The Wall.

 As you read this, picture Jesus as the Belayer and God at the top of the wall.

I'm climbing this huge wall in the dark, I'm getting higher on step at a time. As I go, the footing seems more complex, I don't know where I'm going and then.....I look down. I'm afraid, do I keep going? I'm already at a place where its a far fall.

I think about retreating when I hear a still small voice call my name. Its okay Rachel, I've got you, keep going, you can make it to the top. I slip and gasp in fear. I'm thinking, I can't do this, its just too much. Too risky. Life's better on the ground where I'm in complete control, or perhaps I'll just stay low on the wall, that way if I fall, it won't be too far of a fall.

That's it God, sure I trust you but I just can't make it to the top. Can't I just stay here? I see a light shining at the top lighting my way, the steps become clearer and honestly I'm drawn but still I struggle to believe that if I slip, Jesus will hold me up and I won't fall all the way down. The voice continues. You can do it. You have no idea what I have planned for you at the top. Each step ahead is a part of my will for your life adventure, a life purpose.

What about hurt God? What about pain? Yes, Rachel, you will encounter the tougher parts of the wall, yet they lead to so much more than you know. It's tough, but do you really want to live life wondering or live your life half way? You see, the world wants you down on the ground with everyone else, but I have called you to live higher than that and indeed its great.

But Lord, its so scary to be set apart, it seems so illogical that I would allow you to carry me when I could stand on my own two feet, or if I at least stay low on the wall so I could survive a small fall..... right here where I am at. How do I know if I'm taking the right steps? Your light guides the way but doesn't show the steps to come. What if I hear you wrong and then fall all the way down?

Rach, I will never leave or forsake you, even when you make a mistake, I will catch you, though you may fall down a ways, I will never let you hit the ground. I am your great pursuer and I will never leave you alone. Seek my face and trust me and just let me do the rest. Trust that I can take you as you are and lead you down the path that I have planned. Always know that I am there, even when I'm silent.

I believe that this is God's heart for all of us. We are all afraid of failing and it keeps us from attempting to do more for our king. God has really been showing me that its my heart and my sacrifice that he desires...that even if I set out to attempt something big for God and it doesn't work, that he will still be pleased with me. Let us remember not to bury the things and talents that God has given us but to put it to work. He will not be pleased with the servant who doesn't do anything. It is better to try and fail, but step out in faith, then to do nothing. (Matthew 25:14-30, James 2:14-24....focused on verse 18-19, James 4:13-17....focused on verse 17.)  If you would like to read Anita's perspective and heart in this pursuit, you can go to http://www.mightyawakenwithchrist.blogspot.com/. I find that both blog entries compliment the other.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Letting Go.......

Hi Everyone,

I know that it has been nearly 3 months since I have written on here. It has been a really hard last 3 months with so many struggles and so many tears. For one....letting someone dear to me slip through my fingers in obedience to God. I have been through more than I am willing to put on my blog but in short.....God in this last week confirmed the need for me to make a really tough decision....the tough decision to ask the girl to leave that has been living with me. After a year and a half of connecting and pouring into this girl, sharing wonderful moments, sharing pain, and ultimately living a soap opera, God made it clear that it was time to shut the doors and allow her to suffer the consequences of her own actions.

Yesterday was the day I finally fulfilled what God has wanted me to do for quite some time......let go. I was just led astray by my desire to see restoration, for my desire for things to end well and my desire for a miracle to happen. Time and time again the truth started hitting me......Rachel.....people only change if they want to or if they have to. Through some spirit inspired messages for me through my pastor, I was finally given the strength to do the right thing.

Last Sunday God gave him a specifec word for me without knowing anything about me or my life.....his message was this...."Rachel if one door is closed or closing.....there are seven open doors" In this moment I knew what the closed door signified. Later this week on Wednesday...God gave my pastor another word for me (this has never happened before in my life) He told me that God wanted to ask me if I preferred him or the people around me. He also said that God would fulfill peace and justice for me, that an angel has been protecting me from alot of things, that God was giving me new giftings, that he was opening a ministry for me and that God wanted me to know that I was not alone. I know this may sound general but it related point by point specifically to what I was praying that day. He then placed his hand above mine and I could feel a sensation go through my hand and through my body. I knew that his words came directly from God.

 All these things brought me to this decision.....and without a doubt the hardest thing I have ever had to do, letting someone go that you love knowing that they have nowhere to go, knowing that they will suffer greatly, and knowing that they don't have much or any support from family or friends. Its hard for me to do this and to stay firm and not cave into taking her back. I know that God has led me to step out of the picture and let her learn to depend on God and allow her to unfortunately learn the hard way. Allowing her to stay would only hurt me and her more.

Anyways, please keep me in your prayers as it is hard knowing that she is not in a good place right now and that her needs are not being met. I feel at peace with what I've done but it will take me awhile to heal. Please pray for her to come to repentance and to seek God and for me to have the strength to not help her beyond God's guidance. Pray for me as God is in the process of connecting me to more ministry and for focus on what he wants me to do. In a later post I will update more on my ministry progress. Thanks for joining with me in prayer and support, without you guys, I wouldn't be here. To all of you who are in the process of making a tough decision, trust in God, he has his ways of bringing us through. Feel free to email me with any of your prayer requests at rachelyrach@gmail.com.