How to Reach?

"O Lord, make me an instrument of Thy Peace!
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is discord, harmony;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light, and
Where there is sorrow, joy.
Oh Divine Master, grant that I may not
so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand; to be loved
as to love; for it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life."

I remember first reading this prayer when I was a little girl and memorizing it off of a poster on a wall. Today, when I was in ministry, somehow this prayer that I haven't thought of for so many years; came back to my heart. This prayer is the desire of my heart in my life and in ministry.



Houses in the slum.

Today, as I walked into Petrona's house, it struck me that her and her 5 kids shared a space the size of my bedroom. As we sat down on the few chairs she has, and she started to share her situation; I couldn't help but feel a deep sadness for this woman and her situation. She was telling us how her husband was no longer coming home or bringing money, diapers or food for her and her kids. She started to cry as she told us that rent was due 2 weeks ago and she had nothing to pay it. She doesn't know what to do or where to go. There is no food in the house and her kids are asking her for milk. It is clear that this woman is overwhelmed and as I contemplate what I would do in her situation.......I draw a complete blank......wow......its hard to think of someone's situation and already feel the hopelessness that one must feel, especially a mom of five young kids! Her oldest son who is 11 says that he wants to leave school and work to bring money for the family......and....I'm baffled.....Lord, how can I reach and love on this people when they have so much need, but I can't and don't have the power to change their situation. It was hard for me when Hugo asked me to end with a prayer and all I could do was pray to God for the words and ask Him to provide for the needs of this family.

Me holding Petrona's baby.

This morning as I was preparing to teach the youth, I was really just praying to God and asking him to guide me to teach. I had a moment when I stepped back, looked at the context of my ministry and simply didn't know where to start. These youth don't necessarily believe in God, so in my heart I was asking God how to teach youth that may not even believe in the Bible. "Lord, how do I reach them with your word? Lord, give me the words to make this more to them than just me preaching at them, make this a special time, where they are challenged to contemplate you Lord, and see the value in entrusting their lives into your hands. I pray that bit by bit, I will earn their trust and get to know them on a deeper level. Today was a good start, as I prayed, God calmed my heart and filled me with His words. Only three youth arrived today but I took advantage of this and was able to ask them more questions and just get to know them.

Me and Eliezer

It is through these situations when I get overwhelmed that God draws me closer to His heart and His heart for the poor. It is when I step back and feel their pain, that God whispers and says that He is there. It is in these moments of feeling like anything I could do is just a drop in the bucket, that God reminds me of the supernatural, that He is the only one that brings these people through their daily struggles. All He asks of me is to walk with them, talk with them, remind them that God is there, and to pray and encourage. To bring a glimmer of hope in a bleak situation, and to do all I can to help these people, and when there's not much I can do, to remember that there is value in a shoulder to cry on, and in ears that listen, and in the arms that hold.

A New Season

As I write this tonight, I am filled with tears, but not tears of sadness but of joy. God has brought me on a journey this year....a journey to seeing Him work in me and redefining what it is to serve God and my definition of ministry. Some of you have known the transitions I have been through in the last year and the frustrations I have had seeking more ministry.....and in all my focus and wanting to do more.....God has been trying to show and change what that means.

 I may not be able to appear that I am doing alot of things here in Costa Rica, I may not be able to see the fruits in what Jesus does through me sometimes, but what God is showing me is that it only takes a moment to plant a seed sometimes and most of the time we have no idea when that is taking place.

Tonight, I read a email that put this last year into perspective for me. In my mind, I have almost felt that this last year was a waste, that I couldn't do as much as I wanted and hoped to do. I have questioned God's purpose for me in Costa Rica this year. But through these struggles, I see God refining me in the fire and showing me what He values most from me serving here in Costa Rica. What He values is that I simply reach out and simply show Christ to those He sends into my path, weather if its simply one conversation over coffee or every week for many years. God works with whatever timeline we have with each person.

My other questions that I have had this year are "Do I Shine? Do I point others to intimacy with Christ? Many times, I have felt that I haven't, but then God takes the simplest things and shows me that He chooses to shine through me in the moments I least expect. This last year, I had to kick out a girl living with me, that I poured into for almost two years......and in the end, I wasn't able to see any fruit from it. This was incredibly discouraging but in contrast, tonight I recieved an email from a young man I had only one conversation with and he wrote me to tell me that he met Christ through me and that he had been baptized.

God so does not work in the ways we think! In my concept of missions, I expect to need to plant seeds over a long period of time to see fruits but I have learned that it doesn't always work this way and I have no way of knowing what God is doing in each person's life. All I know is that nothing is in vain, and that what I see and understand is not necessarily the way it is. God's ways are above mine.



A couple weeks ago was me and Anita's last day working at the soup kitchen in Guizaros with the kids. God just started closing doors there and opening doors in other places (more news later). They had a beautiful goodbye party for us there. After 2.5 years of working with these kids, I always wondered if I planted any seeds there in all that time. At the goodbye party, I was able to see the fruits of all those Saturdays. Some kids cried, and others shared with us how we had encouraged them. It was a priceless moment. It made me want to change my mind and stay......but at the same time I just was filled with peace knowing that this chapter for me was closing and that God was opening a new chapter in my life and ministry.


Saying Goodbye at Guizaros :(

 Most of you know that we were looking for a place to rent and start a ministry there at the soup kitchen but after searching for months and months for a place to rent, we were finally told that it is nearly impossible to find rentals there. This was so frustrating but I continued praying and I prayed that God would show me if we were to wait or to explore other opportunities. I felt God's nudge to explore other areas to do discipleship.

Me with a little boy named Justin at the ministry in Heredia.

 Shortly after, God opened a door to see a ministry in Heredia, about a 30 minute drive from where I live now. Well, we visited and were just blown away by how open they are to discipleship and how they have been praying for people to come and work with the children and youth in the slum there. When I visited, I instantly felt at home.......this has never happened to me! I didn't feel shy at all and just felt such a peace. We continued to pray and felt God's confirmation to move forward. So now......we are looking for a house and will be moving on January 1st!

God is bringing us into a new year, a year to use all He has taught us this year. Now that God has shown me that its not the quantity of ministry I do but that I just simply reach for Him.....He has now chosen to fill my schedule with ministry! I hope to never forget what I have learned and that I will never think that the way God uses me, fits only into the human idea of how it should be and what it means to be a missionary. Lord, I give you my life, I give you my time, and I give you my ministry. This is all for the glory and honor of your name.

In a future blog post I will describe my ministry in more detail.....until then....please pray for a smooth move and transition into a new ministry. If you remember, please keep me and Anita in prayer this next week. Tomorrow, I will be teaching the kids the Christmas story and doing a craft. On Friday we will be leading a workshop for teen girls talking about puberty, sexuality, and self worth. We will be getting to know them and be praying with them and answering questions and explaining these things from a Biblical context. Pray that God opens doors for us to know these youth and to reach out to them.

I also just wanted to say thank you to all of you out there that have planted seeds in my life. I want to thank all of you who have supported me out here and have prayed for me. I have felt deeply encouraged by you and have felt blessed to be surrounded by amazing men and women of God. For those of you in Canada and the States, I miss you and love you and just want to wish you a wonderful Christmas. God Bless.

A Testimony of God's Provision

Today I find the need to share with you the amazing things that God has spoken to me and done for me this week. As you know from my last blog post, I have been discouraged this last month just questioning God on things and freaking out over "just another" small financial issue. Aside from God speaking to me through the Israelites, He also led me to read about Elijah. As I was reading elsewhere in the Bible, I simply could not read more because God kept saying....ELIJAH! So I finally went and read that and God spoke to me, and was reminding me of His provision in the weirdest of ways. Ironically, both sermons I heard this week at church were on the Israelites (on last Thursday) and Elijah (Sunday) both after God leading me to those very passages in my private times. It's funny how God seems to do that when he is wanting to speak loud and clear. Both those Bible stories are full of God's miraculous provisions and not only in the natural but the supernatural and with ordinary people serving God who had moments of doubt. Anyways, I found out a few days ago that I had recieved a cheque from the government that will cover the payment I need to make.So this is just another testimony of God's faithfulness. You all know how rare it is to recieve a cheque from the government.....and when those things come.....it's always only just when I really really need it. I remember back in June or July having a similar situation. I called the bank to see what I could do and happened to find out I had 900 dollars credit on a credit card I had cancelled years ago! I don't believe these things are coincidence and I believe it is God that moves these timings and things on our behalf. Praise God for His Provision and Grace!

Just like the Israelites.........Humbled

As I think about some of my favorite Bible stories, I am challenged to see myself. I think of all the times I have talked about the book of Exodus and the journey of the Israelites to the promised land and thought........how could they not trust God after all he did for them, how could they question God and chase after other things when the miracles of God were shown right in front of their faces? Why did they doubt.....HOW could they doubt?

 This week I just feel soooo humbled as I realize how, like the Israelites, despite God's miracles and moving in my own life.... I seem to go through these times of fear, doubt and questioning God. God WHEN is your timing, WHAT is your plan, WHY do I need to wait? Typical to these moments, guilt soon moves in when I comtemplate who I am and who God is. Is he not the God that has miraculously sustained me in Costa Rica the last 2.5 years? Is he not the God that opened my eyes to prophecy and healing this year including witnessing my first healing on my 26th Birthday? How many times has he protected me here? How many times he has used little simple me to reach out when I felt vulnerable and weak with nothing to offer?

After thinking through these things I sit in awe.....who am I to question Him? Am I not the clay here like my blog says? Or will I be a hypocrite and say that that is what I am but still somehow question? As if to say to God, do you REALLY have me Lord? How condescending! God has been with me through every process, I never want to forget how he led me to this beautiful country and how he was with me as I stepped off that plane having no clue what was to come.By God's mercy alone he still constantly speaks and fills me with his presence and blesses me even when I act like a little brat to him. He has truly brought me on the adventure of my life. He has filled me with unexpressable joy at times, there have been times I have been so touched that I have been brought to tears in His presence. He has brought me to amazing places and I have met amazing people. I have cried in complete brokeness and I have laughed so hard my stomach hurts. All these things have been a gift to me and He chose to share this with me.

Honestly, this last month has been tough for me and I have been tested alot with the question.....how much do you REALLY trust God? This month has put a couple financial difficulties in my path.....and even though I have been here many many times in the last years and God always works it out, I somehow have my freak out moment.......Lord what am I going to do?! How can I make money to take away each month's unknown income. I hate waiting till the 26th of each month to find out if I can pay the rent. I want stability, I want assurance......and all in my flesh! It's then that I realize that in my flesh I want to take away all the things that force me to lean on him. I forget that leaning on him has taught me so much, has made me grow and has increased my faith. When I remember his faithfulness and my stability and assurance in him....I stop in my tracks and realize I am in the best position ever.

That hasn't been the only thing I have felt frustrated in.....then there's the monotonous days of coloring and coloring and coloring visuals to teach the Bible.....where I'm questioning.....Lord where is our house to serve in ministry? Will this be affective? There are days like today in which I feel I will go crazy if I color another sheet and I wonder if He will really bring his promises into fruition or if my work is in vain. I feel like my heart is out there and I'm afraid of failing. This has been the hardest for me....as each month that goes by and still not finding a house, it gets harder. Please keep this in prayer.

Why do I share these things? Because I believe we all share in these struggles. I could write to you about the lovely side of being a missionary and share moving stories of God working in ministry and moving in people's lives....but I would be missing a crucial part of reality that sometimes.........It is HARD. Sometimes I question my work and sometimes I wonder like anyone if I heard God right. I think that we all feel that way. We are all on this faith journey and we are all Israelites. We are NOT above that. God moves amazing things all the time that we either fail to see or simply forget. I pray to God.....OPEN my eyes to YOUR work and to YOUR heart. I pray and ask God.....Forgive me for the times when I doubt and forget your faithfulness. Forgive me for being impatient and ungrateful. Indeed He has made my life full. Pray for me as I continue to serve Him and that I would be patient for his timeline with me and Anita's ministry endeavours and that I would be content in this process of praying, planning, coloring and waiting. I am human too and need prayer for all these things. Thanks for your prayers and I pray for all those out there who maybe feel the same. Our God is faithful.....let's try not to be like the Israelites!

God's Voice Within the Mundane.........

Well, I know it has been awhile since I have written but for some reason I have been having some major writer's block. Sometimes I find that life is just simply life and that I have nothing specifec to share or say. I will say that I have felt just so blessed by God as Me and Anita are forming a program for children. Day to day, my life consists of cooking, cleaning, preparing lessons, visiting with friends, playing with my dog, reading my bible,going to the soup kitchen, texting troubled youth, playing with neighbor kids, going to church, teaching sunday school......or whatever else God brings into my path. Through all these "normal" things I see God very much at work and I find that it is in these simple things and in the natural flow of life that I see God at work and him telling me how he wants me to spend my time.

Baking Cheese Biscuits! I love to Bake!

Sometimes I forget to thank God for the normal......and then I remember a not so normal last year when my life was crazy and full of way too much drama. In that time I longed for silence, I longed for the normal. I longed for rest and no surprises.

 So as I sit here in the mundane at times, I am reminded to savour every moment. I know that when we move, we will be up against alot. Perhaps God is resting me up to prepare me for some not so restful moments ahead. When that time comes, I will be ready for whatever comes our way!

So for now, when we are working on this program for these kids that we love so much, I think of them. With every visual we are creating......I'm not just making a visual.....I am making a visual for those kids to teach them about Jesus, and to bring hope to a community that needs it. We have the time to make the best we can and those kids are worth the hours of planning and creating!



The Book of Exodus Complete in Visuals.....Alot of work!


Until we are there, I continue to pray for these little ones and pray to God that I will never forget the power of prayer. I thank God for my precious times with him whether its alone in my room or singing my heart out to him in church. This is all for him and I pray that I will have the grace and love to seize every moment no matter how normal it is. May my every breath be for Him and Him alone. I pray that God will continue to show me daily, the ways I can serve him more, and the ways I can bless others, whether it be an encouraging word to the corner store clerk,the person next to me on the bus, watching a stressed out mom's kids, hosting people in my home. whatever it may be, my challenge is to strive to serve in the normal and not just in the times of crisis or dramatic need. How can I simply be a blessing? This is what has been on my heart. There is no need to seek out extravagant ways......just to lend a hand to my neighbor in love.....this is what God's heart is and God's desire for all of us.

An Answer to Prayer!!!!

I just wanted to quickly post on my blog about the meeting I had with my pastor here this week! As me and Anita venture out into new grounds, and are in the process to relocating to the community where the soup kitchen is located, I have been praying so much that my church would want to be a part of it. I have always seen having a local church covering as not only important but crucial for general support but also for sustainability. Well, I was able to finally sit down and share my heart and share my vision and.....they agreed to be the backing of the ministry!!!

They will be involved in helping us find a house and also sending people from the church who would like to reach out in discipleship as well!. I can't tell you how amazing it is to feel supported not only from my organization in this but also from my church here. My pastor even started giving ideas of things that the church could do that I had dreamed about! I am truly blessed.

BUT.....it doesn't stop there!!!!!!! I also was able to share my desire to apply for a religious visa. In order to get this visa, I need to be sponsored by a local church.....well.....they agreed to help me in this process!!! What does this mean? It means that all the money I spend every year on renewing my visa every three months could go towards my ministry......it means that I wouldn't need to pay nearly 2500 dollars a year on health insurance as I can apply for a health card here! So you can see how this would be a great help for me!! Please keep this process in prayer as it can be tedious and there is never guaranteed approval...so please pray that God would continue to open doors in this! All I know is that things are going in the right direction. God is SO good!

What we are up Against

Hey Everyone! The last few weeks have been quite a journey and I can hardly believe its already time to move to Anita's apartment and then head to Canada for a 3 week visit! When I return from Canada the end of August, we will be looking for a place close to the soup kitchen. It's coming up so fast and the work here continues. Not only in creating visuals and program stuff but the work of ever seeking after the Lord and praying against the strongholds of the community, against the frequent spiritual attacks, and trusting in Him and his guidance in this leap of faith.

Through all the trials, one thing is sure, we are held in the hands of the almighty king. This last Saturday, God opened our eyes even more to see the struggles of this community. Saturday morning started off great and as usual with singing and asking the kids what they are gratefulfor. This week my lesson to the little ones was on the fruits of the spirit. I was so blessed to see them more relaxed and more attentive than usual. They were quite successful on remembering the fruits of the spirit!! I pray that these precious little ones can see the fruits in me. I long to shine God's love there to them and I can't wait for when I will be right there with them and can be available to them. I am so grateful to God that He helps me teach week by week.

Teaching the Kiddies about the fruits of the spirit!

After the lesson, Anita noticed a lady crying in the streets, she thought at first that it was someone we know so she went to go talk to her. It ended up being someone else. She had just gotten in a fight with her husband and he was kicking her out of the house. In the series of a couple hours......she had stored her stuff at the soup kitchen, left with her kids and came back, left the kids with us....made up with her husband and took her stuff back to where she was. Cecilia told us how often this happens with them....that they often have violent fights but then make up....she was worried having the stuff in the soup kitchen.....it can be dangerous getting involved in such a situation. But God was there and it shed light to us on the parents of some of our kids at the soup kitchen and the violence they are often exposed to.


After that, we taught our youth group on prayer and then we headed up to see an older lady with a ministry in the mountains. I definitely was not prepared to what I would feel up there. We got there and I just did not feel at peace at all. I tried to shake it off but as it went on, I just could hardly stand to be there. Something was just off. I could feel major spiritual things up there that I rarely ever feel. What I felt was evil. As she began to pray over one of my friends, I was just freaking out....something was off....way off....but I was questioning myself why I felt such darkness. All I know is that there was an undeniable oppression up there. I could hardly breathe. This also shed alot of light on the area where we are serving.


Me and Daniel, one of that Lady's sons.


Yesterday, we found out that one of our kids was kicked out of school for selling drugs :( This was just another sad reality on top of the other events. He just seemed so sad and the kids were picking on him for that. It did give me some joy that he didn't seem happy to have that pinned on him. The truth is that these  kids don't want to be identified in that way. These kids really do want to be good in some way.

Last week, a teen from the community was texting me and he asked me. Do you think I am good or bad? I told him I didn't know. He told me that he used to sell drugs and rob people but that he was changing. He was struggling because the community was still seeing him as bad. I encouraged him to continue doing good and it meant alot that he was seeking encouragement and expressing a desire to be different. Please join me and Anita in prayer. Things have been intense but we still have very much felt God's presence with us and preparing us for our next steps. Please keep praying for this community, our kids, and God's provision for a house to rent in the area that we can also minister out of, and pray for us as we pray for the provision to move. We will be needing furniture and some household items. We lay all these things in His hands. Please pray!