I know that it has been nearly 3 months since I have written on here. It has been a really hard last 3 months with so many struggles and so many tears. For one....letting someone dear to me slip through my fingers in obedience to God. I have been through more than I am willing to put on my blog but in short.....God in this last week confirmed the need for me to make a really tough decision....the tough decision to ask the girl to leave that has been living with me. After a year and a half of connecting and pouring into this girl, sharing wonderful moments, sharing pain, and ultimately living a soap opera, God made it clear that it was time to shut the doors and allow her to suffer the consequences of her own actions.
Yesterday was the day I finally fulfilled what God has wanted me to do for quite some time......let go. I was just led astray by my desire to see restoration, for my desire for things to end well and my desire for a miracle to happen. Time and time again the truth started hitting me......Rachel.....people only change if they want to or if they have to. Through some spirit inspired messages for me through my pastor, I was finally given the strength to do the right thing.
Last Sunday God gave him a specifec word for me without knowing anything about me or my life.....his message was this...."Rachel if one door is closed or closing.....there are seven open doors" In this moment I knew what the closed door signified. Later this week on Wednesday...God gave my pastor another word for me (this has never happened before in my life) He told me that God wanted to ask me if I preferred him or the people around me. He also said that God would fulfill peace and justice for me, that an angel has been protecting me from alot of things, that God was giving me new giftings, that he was opening a ministry for me and that God wanted me to know that I was not alone. I know this may sound general but it related point by point specifically to what I was praying that day. He then placed his hand above mine and I could feel a sensation go through my hand and through my body. I knew that his words came directly from God.
All these things brought me to this decision.....and without a doubt the hardest thing I have ever had to do, letting someone go that you love knowing that they have nowhere to go, knowing that they will suffer greatly, and knowing that they don't have much or any support from family or friends. Its hard for me to do this and to stay firm and not cave into taking her back. I know that God has led me to step out of the picture and let her learn to depend on God and allow her to unfortunately learn the hard way. Allowing her to stay would only hurt me and her more.
Anyways, please keep me in your prayers as it is hard knowing that she is not in a good place right now and that her needs are not being met. I feel at peace with what I've done but it will take me awhile to heal. Please pray for her to come to repentance and to seek God and for me to have the strength to not help her beyond God's guidance. Pray for me as God is in the process of connecting me to more ministry and for focus on what he wants me to do. In a later post I will update more on my ministry progress. Thanks for joining with me in prayer and support, without you guys, I wouldn't be here. To all of you who are in the process of making a tough decision, trust in God, he has his ways of bringing us through. Feel free to email me with any of your prayer requests at firstname.lastname@example.org.